Third Week Evaluation

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In the third week of working on my self-management skill from my Goleman goal, I really have noticed a significant change in my being. Recently, I had gone through a rather negative experience with someone I once had a strong relationship with. To make matters short, we abruptly ended communication with each other and there were a lot of things unsaid. On my behalf, I wanted to say them all but kept myself from doing so because that's just what I thought was best. Part of my logic on that is this new self-management improvement thing I'm doing. I kept saying to myself that if the other person isn't trying to communicate, you shouldn't either. Normally, I would of called the person (like I always would when we had fights) and let it all out whether it ended good or bad, but as long as I laid it all out on the table. I'm a brutally honest person and sometimes it has been to my advantage, and sometimes not. So as I'm improving on "self-managing" myself, I did the opposite of what I's normally do and remained quiet and peaceful weeks upon weeks. Needless to say, it was quite refreshing and therapeutic. As I was reading an article by Warren G. Bennis and Robert J. Thomas named Crucibles of Leadership (part of Harvard Business Review's 10 Must Reads on Leadership), it came to me what I was already doing without realizing it. In the article they talk about this idea of finding meaning in and learning from the most negative events, "like phoenixes rising from the ashes, they emerge from adversity stronger, more confident in themselves and their purpose, and more committed to their work" as they said. That statement hit me and little did I know that's how I was already living for a couple of weeks. What I went through with that person and the end of that relationship really took a toll on my happiness and self-esteem. I saw myself as "not good enough" and irrelevant, it was also affecting my mood of course and in result I was not doing so well in school and in my other everyday life things. This was until the moment I decided to improve myself and to do it only for myself. As soon as my heart got over it, this negative event because the best moment yet. I let myself know that I am more than a good enough person, that I have morals and goals and that I will be happy and succeed without that person in my life because they don't define me. I got back up, took out anything that reminded me of that person from my life and I started to focus more on my education and outside life. Before I knew it, I was no longer even thinking of this person every day, I was advancing in my career by landing my perfect internship, and I was just overall happy because I kept myself together and did not make the attempt to communicate with this person and fall back in. Like Bennis and Thomas said, crucibles are a severe test or trial and are intense and always unplanned. This was a big test for me and my self-management skill, it was intense and unplanned but I got through it and am in a better place with so much confidence and peacefulness in my being.

Second Week Evaluation.

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I have now reached two weeks since I've begun my six week process of improving my Self Management skill that I learned from reading Daniel Goleman. I have to say, I have noticed myself improving slowly but surely in the area. For example, I have been doing well on not being so impulsive on responding immediately with my first thought in a situation. I tend to speak my mind instantly and sometimes that has been to my advantage and sometimes not, especially in my personal life. Well, this week something happened where I initially wanted to just yell out to the person because of a not-so-pretty past we have, but I collected myself and kept my calm, I looked at the overall picture. Which leads me to my next point, relating my Goleman goal to something I learned from reading Heifetz and Laurie's The Work of Leadership article that can be found in Harvard Business Review here. Going back to what I read from Heifetz and Laurie is the "get on the balcony" concept. Like I was saying about seeing the overall picture, this idea goes hand in hand with it. As they state, "leaders must be able to identify struggles over values and power, recognize patterns of work avoidance, and watch for the many other functional and dysfunctional reactions to change." Relating this to my goal, I have been stopping and looking over the entire context and looking for patterns and places to improve on. Instead of finding problems and acting on impulses, I am making an opportunity out of the problem to do better. I am taking the bigger picture into consideration, not just myself as part of the picture. 

The Beginning.

Over the course of the next six weeks I am going to be working on something not beauty or fashion related, but me related. Recently I read an article by Daniel Goleman about what makes a good leader, and the five competencies we can develop to become a great leader. Here you can find a portion of his article on the topic in Harvard Business Review. One of the five competencies that hit me right away is Self-Management. It encompasses having self-control and conscientiousness. These two aspects of this competency are where I lack the most in my being. I know that I am a person with very little patience and that in result acts on impulses a lot to only wish later that I should of done it differently. Therefore, that is what I will be working on developing over the next six weeks. Being able to not act or open my mouth right away, to think things through for best results, to overall be a person that can manage what I say and do efficiently. There is a lot to learn about what Goleman has to say in the topic of leadership; investing some time and effort into the person you can potentially be can only lead to good things. Below I have linked a video where you can see Mr. Goleman himself speaking on the topic of emotional intelligence.

source: YouTube.com